Other than meeting up with KS and WT at lunch, I really have nothing to update about. It's been one of those days: school, finished Student Loans (finally) then home. I'll ttyl I guess.

-Elle Are Emm

Day went by as usual. Got up, got ready for school, then headed to the mall to buy a few things. I spent 50$ within half hour . See this is the reason why I don't lurk around the shopping centers. I don't know about you, but as a Poverty Stricken College Student or PSCS for short, any amount of money not saved is wayyyyy too much spent. There goes that money I made from my first ever paid treatment from yesterday! For some reason I just find everything I lay my eyes on a necessity until after I review my expenditure at the end of the day So I headed to school, finished my class then bummed around until it was time to leave for my next and final volunteer orientation.
After a long 2 and something hours we were finally given a "sneak peak" of the exhibit. IT WAS AMAZING! because it relates to so much of what I am learning, every display was just so fascinating! So this is what I've been missing out on from the prosection labs! I couldn't get enough of anything and everything that was being showcased. I didn't realize how exhilarated I was until when I stepped out and realized that I've been holding my breath. It does make me wonder though, how would I have reacted if I wasn't as educated as I am now about the subject at hand? I try not to admit it, but I'm still giving myself crap, especially now, for not being confident enough to showcase what I know. It's too late now, but at least it's a lessoned learned.

Another thing that I really appreciated is the fact that when I got my name tag, my second name is written on it as supposed to my first. Yes, this is actually a REALLY big deal for me as I have insecurity issues when it comes to my name. For some reason, just knowing that I don't have to be awkward and embarrassed about this aspect made me relax a little bit more.

Over all this day has been awesome, I got to see a distant cousin (supposedly) and a family friend (Ate Sheena). Really I have got to stop at this being awkward thing. I should just approach people and be more approachable. It wasn't too bad or awkward talking to her at all. We dropped her off then I got to drive back home, then around again when we picked up mommy. So yeah, good day

-Elle Are Emm

 This is actually a continuation of my Saturday. It happened not long after my clinic shift. I stayed in school for a while just killing time until I could meet get ready and meet up with people. Originally, I was supposed to head at the hotel with KL and PB but I found out that CB was on her way so we agreed that we would meet at the closest station. Unbeknown to me they went ahead anyway. Obviously I was irritated, since lack of communication has been one of my biggest pet peeve as of late. Eventually, I headed Downtown by my lonesome. I wondered DT following a very wrong direction given by CB. She eventually came and got me. We headed to IGA to help MC carry his expensive grocery, because apparently no one bought/brought anything. Along the way, I finally tasted the infamous JAPADOG. So there we were buying generic named products, when we finished, we “borrowed” the stores cart and walked back to the hotel. I got them to head back because I had to withdraw money. I was under the impression that I would find the hotel by myself because CB pointed out the direction to me. Surprise, surprise, I walked around for another 20+ minutes, called/texted back a few times and I still couldn’t find the damn directions they were giving. To be fair though, every street name was gibberish to my ear, I’m the girl that gets lost in an elevator remember? There I was getting increasingly pissed off and wet from the rain, when I finally found the hotel. I sat across from it debating with myself whether I should cool of and go in, wait for PB and KL or head back home. I opted for the last choice. But even then, it was still aggravating how we were getting told to call this person then that then back to this person again just to enter the damn hotel.  Anyway, party got started as people arrived. And boy, WAS IT a party! It got really wild that we were threatened with eviction. Of course, with all those people + alcohol drama soon followed. Good thing people started leaving. I actually though I wasn’t going to be able to get home that night much to my mother’s anger. Luckily I was able to hitch a ride with Kuya Ryan and Ate Krisha at around 3am.  The next day, I was pretty surprised that mommy didn’t say anything; I’m thinking that Ninong talk to him about cutting me some slack.  

I don’t remember much about Sunday. But I think I just slept then went to church, finally after a really long time! Monday, was pretty much the same, except mommy arranged it so that I get to work on one of her client. Man, I know that with all these ethics class I’ve been taking, and from my instructors, that what I’m about to say is borderline unprofessional and inappropriate, but here goes.

HE WAS PRETTY DAMN CUTTEEE!! I think because I found him attractive that I started getting nervous! Odd because I never felt like that during my first EVER shift in the student clinic! And obviously there was that comparison with my mother. I think that skill wise, I have more than her, but experience wise not so. Anyway, I couldn’t stop smiling to myself! Even when I was allowed to drive to pick up Kuya! Even NOW and I type! Haha the only thing is he’s an LB (by a year) and pretty short! Seeing as there is virtually -.1234567865434567 chance of anything coming out of it, I’ll allow myself for him to be my exception!

*Phew! Glad I got that out of the way!

-Elle Are Emm

It feels like I'm getting somewhere.

Today, September 11, 2010 at 0.900 hours is the day I start my Clinic Internship.   It's been long over due I really don't want to think about what could have been  or what should have been the most important thing is I am here, now, at this very moment. 

Both of my treatment went fine, I was surprisnlgy not nervous.  The first one was initial to the clinic too, and the second one not so. But boy! don't time fly by SO fast? that one hour of treatment time alloted is
NOTHING! it was hardly enough to get all the information I needed/wanted. Good thing I had my last patient cancelling, becasue, to my surprise, with my second treatment, during the interview portion, I looked at the clock then BAM! I only had 20 or so minutes to treat.

I think I just have to learn to get used to things! But I'm ready, I'm finally ready. I'm determined  to be here, and most importantly, no mattter how much the future scares me with regards to this career path, I absolutely want  to be here.

I'm off to get ready for MC's party now

Toodle-oo!

-Elle Are Emm

So day three of school. Went on like the usual except I had an afternoon class instead. Found out that my schedule's been switched, so now I have Clinic before Outreach. No big deal, just got to remember everything I learned 6 months ago. I mean, I've been LONG overdue right? On other news, I went ahead and brought my student loan to the back. After 5 terms, I finally realized that all they're doing is writing the SAME EXACT information and that's all. I could have done that myself =/. I accompanied mommy dear, she lectured me for yesterday and I just new it'd be a waste of breath the explain my reasoning to her. I was pleasantly surprised when my dad heard me out though. They let me drive home, and back to Surrey C to pick up kuya then back home again. After I biked to the Babilonia's and spent the evening with JB, CB, Ate LB and Ate NA. We went crazy at the Dollar store looking for things for MC's party tomorrow, which I don't even know if I'd be allowed to go after yesterday. Most likely not, but I'm going to try to go and just get home as early as I can. Biked home just in time when parents called and realized that I was gone. Now, I shall sleep and wake up tomorrow to review my notes. Wish me luck Xanga?

-Elle Are Emm

If only I can.

Okay, let's start from the beginning why don't we? School went on as usual. I only had half a class in the morning but had to wait around school, since today is the day of the dreaded volunteer training. I felt slightly nauseous especially as the time gets nearer and nearer. I think the fact that I keep uttering the words " I can't", "don't want" and "nervous"didn't help one bit.

So there I was, sitting alone feeling very amused at the awkwardness of it all. Got through the longest 3.5 hours of my life feeling very tired, dizzy and hungry. Hey at least I got the Line Greeter position. Actually, I still don't know whether I should be glad or not, I think temporary insanity caused me to send that e-mail today. And there I was thinking that I'm going to go for something that I was with as much self confidence as I can muster, but at the last minute I doubted and bailed on myself. 

Since I had to train it home, I also felt very cold. Of course, my cell would die on me at the most inopportune of times. 

The night before and the morning of, I already made arrangements with my mom to pick me up since I figured that it was going to be a long day. She said yes, and  knowing her I expected her to be late. So there I was, at the bus station. The next bus doesn't come for the next .5hour and I figured that I couldn't wait for it because of what I mentioned above. I was running around looking for an outlet to plug my phone in.There was one...but it wasn't working. Hence, I ran around trying to look for a bus that can get me home ASAP. There was none, seeing as it was getting late. So, in desperation, knowing I had no $ whatsoever, I tried swiping debit cards in the pay phones. Didn't work. Finally found enough change to call, and when I did my douche bag of a younger brother said the parents weren't home,  so he went on to pass the phone to my bigger douche bag of an older brother. That didn't work out very well since he decided that playing his online game is more important than the safety of his younger sister.

Thanks a lot for the concern assholes

I could have honestly been mugged, rapped, stabbed and murdered and he couldn't give two shits about it. He even had the audacity of just leaving me hanging on the other end of the phone. There I was trying not to cause a scene when the bus finally came. When I got home guess what I saw?

That's right THE MOTHER FUCKING VAN  and when I touched the hood it was ICE COLD, meaning no one left within the hour or so that I was trying to get a hold of my unreliable mother.

It is therefore given, when I stormed in the house pissed off. She didn't even realize what she did and started mouthing me for being rude. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! The fact that she doesn't even realize why I'm mad, nor does she try to talk to me properly just goes to shows what type of a mother she is.

I am DONE with unreliable, untrustworthy, non-committed people in my life. Be it friends or family. Why should I keep trusting people who aren't even worth it? It just makes it that much harder when they're supposedly you're family.  But it's all the same to me. Disappointments after disappointments man. It just hurts a lot more when it's family treating you this way.

-Elle Are Emm

Nothing special really happened. Spend the whole day in school although I got out of my morning class early. It's funny, because it is introduction day, but you would think we'd get something done seeing as I just had the exact same instructor for a different class yesterday. I can feel that this is going to be a good semester, I ‘m going to make it a good and productive one. What with that volunteer job I had signed up for. Speaking of, I have my first training tomorrow from 5-11 pm =S. It’s going to be a long day. Good thing I only have Friday afternoon class. Although I still am not certain what position I’m being given. This makes me really anxious.
Bus home today again, I timed it and it took 40mins to get from the Surrey C to home. I DON’T LIKE! Just yesterday I honestly thought I was lost in my own neighbourhood of 7 years just because of the difference in bus route that I now have to get used to. Since I didn’t get a proper sleep the night before, I passed out as soon as I got home. Waited for CB to get out of work so I can give her, her surprise sweater, but she picked me up around 8pm to hang out for a bit anyway. I just basically accompanied CB, Ate LG and Ate Nikki (last name?) To eat then CB came to my house for a few minutes. I pried information about JW out of her, I have obviously, automatically formed my opinions but I am still willing (semi at least) to hear her side of the story. I should get to bed now, hopefully I can still hear my alarm through this earplugs.

-Elle Are Emm

What a day, what a day.  Got an early start to my first day of school, however mommy dear being the accountable person that she is managed to get me on time for my first class, which just so happened to be the clinic orientation day (that's sarcasm btw). I'm pretty psych, finally I'm getting somewhere with this studies. I'm wayyy past due to work in the student clinic anyway. I didn't get the chance to finish the full day of orientation since I had another class in the afternoon which just happened to conflict with orientation day.

Speaking of afternoon classes, do you know whose in that afternoon class with me? That's right, Biker Boy. G'damn BB! g'damn you indeed for looking very yummy in your new glasses. Apparently, he also looks like a super hero in disguise. Hmmnn, he definitely has the face for it and although he has a killer body, it wouldn't hurt to put on 20pounds. HAHAH! WHAT A FLIRT that boy is! you'd think he'd be more behave seeing as he is going out with one of the girls in class! but no! hey I'm not really complaining though! I just get really stomped since I have no idea what the first thing of flirting even consist.

"  Hey, Elle I see you baby"  

OKAY! enough of that.

The rest of the night was pretty relaxing. After my nap with Aso, what supposed to be a quick task of picking up daddy turned out to be a four hour drive here, there and back. But hey whose complaining right? Chores with parents usually gets me free things anyway so CHA CHING!

Hmmnn, on another note, JW called me minutes ago. She wanted to drop by  and have a chat regarding what I said yesterday when they dropped by. I told her that I was mad at her because of her behaviour at what supposedly was her party the other weekend. In any case, although I'm not going to accept any excuses that she makes, I will give her props for wanting to discuss and fix things with me.

On that note, I shall go get ready for bed. I got to arm myself for this week. Busy! busy! busy!

-Elle Are Emm

By far, I think this three weeks break that I just had, may just be the most productive one yet. I don't mean to say that I actually did any reviewing, nor did I went out every day, but I think I've spent it quite well. For some reason, today (yesterday technically) being the last day of my brake, I felt unusually sleepy. So while my mother dropped off two little dears in my bedroom/house to baby sit in the morning, as they play on the computer and watched t.v, I on the other hand, slept on the couch the majority of the time. When it was time for them to go, I accompanied my parents and uncle to the old house. It was a little strange seeing it empty. Mind you, I didn't get all emotional and reminiscent, I actually spent 90% of the time asleep. Maybe it has something to do with already having moved  a week and a half earlier. But man oh man, seven years sure went by like a snap. Imagine, so far, all the memories--both happy and sad, aggressive and passive-- had been experienced there. I actually, really thought that we were never going to move on, not until Kuya and I finally finish anyway. But here we are now, in a new location not very far from the old place. Although I will miss being able to walk everywhere within minutes. Hopefully starting over at a new house would mean we can finally start getting our lives together.

Kuya: Where do you think our home is?...not to the new place, the parents aren't there yet so we aren't complete. It's still just a house.

To end the day, I JW and CB came by in daddy's beamer just to say hi. Funny, I was walking/biking with Aso and I had a slight urge to bike somewhere but there they were. I'm going to go and hit the hay. Will update you later.

Nighty.
-Elle Are Emm   

This actually happened on Sept 4. JW's party was a partly a success, there were actually a lot of people who came. As usual though, she couldn't help herself and she pulled a dramatic scene and left. I think the fact that she wasn't even in her party 90% of the time didn't surprise me. What did, was the attitude she was dishing the whole night as well as leaving her drunk cousin, who we barely new behind. That really pissed me off: unreliable, irresponsible people really piss me off. I didn't really get that much sleep since, regardless of what I said, I ended up having to clean the house by myself.  Luckily AA was kind enough to treat a hobo to breakfast . The only thing I regret is not talking to CM, I was trying to time it right but the opportunity never presented itself. But I'm serious with what I said, in the beginning of the year, I promised to myself that I would only surround myself with people who are good to me. I believe that I am a good friend so it should be obvious that I deserve the same type of treatment and respect. I don't really see the point of keeping around those who are otherwise.

You see even yesterday, as I headed to a family dinner with Daddy and Mommy dear, we had a conversation about CM, it still disappoints me that my family, aside from my mom, is still to this day defending her and standing up for her. Neither my mom or myself are mad at her. For my mom, all she wants to do is for CM to talk to her, however I can't say the same thing for myself.

This is by far the biggest decision I've ever made,  emotionally wise anyway. I honestly don't even have a clue on how to approach the dilemma at hand. But I know that talking to her in person is the right thing to do, I think after all these years, I owe our friendship --and not her--this much. I have been friends with her for a long time, but a girl has got to do what she has to do.  This shall be my parting gift to her, I also think, hope that by doing this, she realizes what she did wrong and change it. But then again, that's for her to decided just like everything else she's done and what she will do in the future.

I'm off to baby sit now. Toodles

-Elle Are Emm