Professional Development Day.  Awesome

Basically spent the day asleep, with periods of drifting back into consciousness in between, that were long enough to play bouts of minesweeper ( I am so addicted to that game!) So much for being "productive". Since it was a Tuesday--technically yesterday-- (movie deals anyone?), I went to catch two shows with the Babilonia sister and Mr. Jiew. I originally wanted to see  I am #4, but to CB`s insistence, we saw The Roomate instead, and planned to sneak in Unknown soon after. We sat through The King's Speech to kill time before Unknown, but it was actually intriguing so we just stayed instead.

Had Chocolate Milkshake (that tasted funny), fries and Mcminis from McD drive thru then home.

-Elle Are Emm

to form proper, complete, structured sentences. So here is the point form version of my day:

-School
-Made a new friend (couple days ago actually)
-"Eyes" *blush what a cutie jerk
-Aquino's for dinner and "studying"
-Ate diner and gossiped instead (of course)
-Home
-Pro-D day tomorrow. YEY

-Elle Are Emm

blogging. HONEST! in fact I visit xanga more than 5x a day. I wish I could say its all due to my hectic schedule. That would be a big fat lie. What can I say? I'm really ust not that interesting of a person.

I recently finished the first half of midterms. Of course, I had to leave the studying to the last minute. What a nasty habit, I really infuriate myself when it comes to that. I was successful with some, and not so with others. I also tried starting an exercise regime, it lasted the whole 2 days *sigh*, I wish I could blame it on "being busy" but a big chunk of it is just me making excuses. Lame. Other than that, I've just been here and there, doing the same old stuff. Although I did break my own rule and got lured into watching a drama again! I wish I could reproach myself for it, but it just so damn good! What can I say? I like living vicariously through others. I'm going to stop now.

-ELLE ARE EMM

in yourself

I have to keep reiterating that to me. There's so much doubt going on, and it has largely to do with the fact that I do not have confidence in my capabilities, as I feel as though I haven't lived to my full potential. I am specifically speaking of school work wise. I get so fixated in the wrong things that I do, that I get surprise with the marks/feedback I get.

It is good to hear feedback especially from instructors though. For example, last night, I had my clinic evaluation, I was very frantic and by the end of it, I though I'd be lucky if I'd get a 70%, to my surprise, after hearing a lot of phrase from my instructor and a few constructive criticism, it turns out that I knew what I was doing since I managed to score 91%. 

I just have to learn to own what I do and fake it til I make it, and until I can properly say that I am good at it.

-Elle Are Emm

Except, with how monotonous my life is on the regular, I really have nothing special/of interest to say. Although it is Father dear's birthday today. so HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!

To the one and only and forever special man in my life:

I love you, and God is good, he'll help us through this. You are the most steadfast, faithful, trustworthy, and loving man I've ever know, and will ever know. Daddy, you are the sunshine in this cynic world we live in. The very definition of near to perfect Man  and Father. The one of the few things, this doubt-filled daughter of yours, is thankful to Him for. You hold me up. You make me want to believe. You inspire me. Dear Daddy, hang on for a bit more okay? I'm coming, I'll get there soon enough to help you out. I'll do it for you, just as how you are doing it for us.

truth

-Elle Are Emm

I feel like so sociable tonight. I know what I'm about to blog is supposedly normal occurrence, but you have to understand, every since I started mass texting, I've been glued to my phone pretty much 24 hrs a day. Somehow, that makes it okay to avoid human contact that can potentially be "awkward". So tonight, I managed to hold a conversation with a classmate I've never talked to, and while waiting for the bus, I've managed to actually enjoy and be comfortable chatting up with a stranger. Probably helps that she's so personable. What a shame that I'll probably will never see her again. If only I had facebook I'd  have probably asked, I just though it'd be weird to ask for her number. Anyway, one step at a time right?

I have to get over my awkwardness! I actually think I made myself awkward even more.

-Elle Are Emm

So the past week, I have been faced with a minor problem that I am taking to heart. As I have mentioned, I recently finished volunteering at the Body World Exhibit, however, I am not sure if I have mentioned the part where I --unexpectedly-- got "promoted" as a team leader. Of course, during the duration of my time as the team leader volunteer, not everything went as I had wanted it to-- which I did expect--. Often than not, the girls who are in high school, and are in fact volunteering because they need to, would show up late or not at all. Now, as I have predicted, one of them, who I firmly believe was very notorious for ditching, came asking for a reference letter from the Volunteer Coordinator, who in turn asked me to write it for her. 

I honestly deliberated long and hard about this matter, especially since she is applying for a very incredible, potentially life altering scholarship, that I can't even dare to dream of. I didn't want to be that person to ruin this chance for her. Also, before I go on, keep in mind that I truly think highly of these kids, they are just the smartest, high achiever bunch I could only wish myself to be. Even then, I firmly believe that she doesn't deserve a reference letter from me. I did consider taking the easier route and just write it, but how is she supposed to learn? Not only would the letter be fraudulent and dishonest, but how about the other candidate who actually put in the work? To be honest, I don't think my refusing to writing the letter will affect this girl that much (I hope anyway). I think that beside from  this volunteer, she has other experiences and qualifications, enough to fill a few pages of paper and to greatly put my own resume to shame. But I still can't help but feel like the bad guy even though I'm not trying to be. Also, it is very hard to keep justified when the other party is being courteous, apologetic and unoffensive. We'll see how it goes, but I sincerely wish her all the luck in the word.

-Elle Are Emm

PS: Yes, I know and was personally told by a friend that my "problems" are very easy and simplistic. But you know what, I like it that way.

As an attempt to getting back on track with my studies, I decided to stay after school today like how I used to do to get my pre-reading done for tomorrow's class. For some reason, although energy wise, I fared pretty well the first half of the day, my energy started dwindling towards the latter half. Therefore, instead of studying, what I really did was read a paragraph or two then promptly pass out. I'm guessing this also has something to do with my cellphone running out of battery, hence no mass texts to keep me awake and entertained.

Last thing I'd like to complain about before I get started on reading my notes, is how ridiculous expensive text books are. This term, I've decided to actually purchase recommended books and put them to good use. For two texts, I've already spent 160$ and there's at least 4 more I have to get =/.

-Elle Are Emm

Today, January 7, 2011 marked the final day of my Body World volunteer. It was quite an experience that enabled me to learn new things about myself. The past 3 and so months, I've experienced confidence, self doubt, and self reassurance. Who would have thought? Not only that, it also gave me an opportunity to be comfortable with myself to the extent that I felt as though I was living another person's life during those 3 hours/week evening shifts. Although, I may have complained, I actually thoroughly enjoyed the newness of it, not only did I feel responsible, I also felt productive and somewhat mature. It was quite a pleasure getting acquainted to new people, as well as having a small authority over them. Although the title of this post is a bit misleading, I supposed. To be exact nothing has really begun. But hey, it's only January after all, right?

I will sure miss seeing a roomful of adults being very competitive and amused from child themed/oriented equipment, that someone, if they desired to do so, can actually build a sport around it.

-Elle Are Emm

School has just started session, however, as I have mentioned from a previous blog, I hardly feel the motivation to get up and attend classes. However, yesterday was a different sensation all together. Attending my practicum on a school day (last semester my clinic days was on a Saturday) made me feel prideful and a sense of authority washed over me; being there gave me a sense of accomplishment. Having been able to work with actual patient was even more. To be honest, I didn't even think of being back in the clinic again and how it would feel. I think from now on, I just have to keep that in mind to keep me going and motivated.

-Elle Are Emm