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  • Ready to move out

    Dark thoughts looming over my head, go away. 

    Yes, I'm far from perfect. But at least I try to form some bond in this family -within us three-. 

    No, we are not dysfunctional in that sense, though with that said, I think we are just living together because we have too. 

    I'm tired of being disrespected. I'm tired of the cold shoulders. I'm tired of always getting the blunt end when things go wrong with you two. 

    Dear Brothers:

     You have no idea how much I want to be as important in your life as you guys are in mine. But after almost 21 years, I'm exhausted of waiting for something that will never happen. 

     

    Hold back those tears dear girl, save them for the ones who care. 

     

     

     

    -Elle Are Emm

  • Panic Attacks

    Maybe it's my subconscious telling me I should hustle and get ready for the impending board because lately my heart would race at random at night just as I'm about to fall asleep 

    I feel more than a little silly for recording myself, but since I have been too lazy to blog lately, here's a 16 minute video of me rambling about nothing important. 

    Will edit for pictures etc. 

     edit:

    Sunday May 6, 2012

    CL's bday dinner at Afghan Horsemen 

    CB  and I splitting a drink. Yes I did eventually connected both straws to make it even longer just so I can lean back and enjoy

    My sizzling drink plus the "sperm" drink consisted of sour yogurt that no one else liked but me.

    A slice of Nutella cake from Cumpari's  . Though admittedly,  everyone was full. 

    Thursday, May 10, 2012

    Morning after accidentally sleeping over at MF's. I have no idea how this came about but we decided that DP will wear the entirety or MF's bracelet and necklace collection. 

    Cupcakes from Cupcakes by Cupcakes and Thai dinner from Pink Elephant.  in the evening with LG and CB. Notice the visibly change in camera quality? Yeah, cellphone was still lost at this point. 

    Friday May 11, 2012

    Free breakfast for dropping off MF with AA. 

    FAVOURITE CARTOON CHARACTER EVER!  Souviner from LP's house.

    Recap: Evening consisted of preventing LP from stripping herself naked. Effects of alcohol kids. 

     

    Saturday May 12, 2012

    First ever mojito


    Church + early mother's day dinner at Nahm Thai Bistro

    Did not go to an evening bbq/party though I did receive a drunk call from DP. Wasn't as amusing as I thought. That or she's just isn't a very fun drunk dialer. 

     

    Monday May 14, 2012


    Dinner at Papa John's and first picture from my new old tablet! 

     

    Tuesday May 15, 2012

    Le mother's momma and poppa. I miss them so much it hurts.  Also, happy birthday Tatay.

    Wednesday May 16, 2012 

    Classes in the AM plus Greek dinner with le mother and brothers. 

     

    Friday May 18, 2012

    Takoyaki + deep fried teriyaki tofu.

    Been getting glasses induced headaches. Since the ones I wear are quite outdated, so mother took me out for a new pair. I'm quite excite to get it!

    Friday May 19, 2012

    Lol! Because this is apparently what we do.

    Sunny day. Lake with the dog in the afternoon. 

    DP had work but we  had planned to go to the Night Market in the evening. Her shift was only 3.5 hours long, so instead of going far we decided to use my movie coupon and watch Battle Ship instead. It was, okay for what it is. Nothing spectacular. 

    Then a slew of driving direction related incident happened a long the way there and back. There were a total of three cars, 9 people and one dog. 

    Still a good night spent with good company. 

     

    Sunday May 20, 2012

    I wake up, played with my new tablet then froze in horror as I realize I have a trial pre loaded offline navigation system I installed. All the annoyance of last night slapped me in the face, with full on palm contact of a giant. blushshybummed

    Tita Aquino's birthday celebration and accidental sleep over at my house with CB and LG again. We seem to be doing this a lot lately.

     

    Monday May 21, 2012

    Movies and callopsing the whole day + to DP's house with doughnuts at from 1 through 3 am  

     

    Tuesday May 22, 2012 


    Practicum, pub with DP and CB  and mi casa with LG following suite. 

     

    Wednesday May 23, 2012 


    Extremely blurry pictures but the baby uncle from AB had a stop over here in BC for 8 hrs before his flight home. Now that I'm in my 20's I find it a smidgen awkward acknowledging him as an uncle seeing as he's only in his mid 30's. 

     

    This is a long one! And I'm not even done. I'll save the rest for another post. 

     

    -Elle Are Emm

     

  • These thoughts in my head

    Funny. 

    Yesterday evening, as I was blogging, a thought, that I've always thought was reiterated in my head; my blogs' content is so irrelevant. I did not dwell on it, because after all , that was my aim. Though I did promise myself that I will blog something that has more content and has more meaning for me. 

    So here goes.

     

    On this day May 06, 2012  in the late/early hour of 4:27am. I am filled with longing. 
    Longing for people I'm disconnected with, through my own choosing or otherwise.
    Longing for the events that I've missed.
    Longing for the future I may or may not have.

    It's always at this hour, when the rest of the world has fallen into a deep slumber and I peruse the world wide web for nothing of immediate importance. 

    But what I long for the most that it's almost nauseating is something exceptionally inexplicable, something so intangible that it fills me with literal, physical pain I sometimes have to roll in a fetal position so that I could recover my breath. That feeling that hits you right in the gut and travels all the way up to your beating heart. 

    It's scary, and I'm scared.

    I'm scared that there may be something wrong with me. Though what I fear most is that this is all imaginary and self induced. You see, one of the greatest oxymoron about me, is that I do not do well with thing unexplained. The irrationality of the situation does not process well in my mundane brain. 

    Maybe I need to just sleep it off. 

    I think I'm going to stop putting off going back to the gym, because god knows, I could really use the endorphin. 

     

    -Elle Are Emm

     

  • All it takes is a little girl to make your day better

    Blogging -relatively- early because this day isn't really going to get any more exciting. 

    Yesterday evening, I watched the much anticipated The Avengers with CB  and LG + family and it.was. awesome . I was hungry after the movies so we went to the only place open which would be Bubble World for some late night grub, and of course, a weekend wouldn't be complete without a trip to DP.  We stayed there until dawn doing whatever it is that we do, successfully dodging mother's calls, which you know wouldn't turn out good. But see, I've already strategically planned everything out. I had to go home and grab cash between movies and late dinner, and I knew that if I were to go home, I wouldn't be allowed to go out, so I stealthily sneaked in, and on my way out, I had left the bolt on our backdoor open so I do not have to use the front door later on. 

    Wisest choice I made the whole night.  

    Warning, extremely graphic and possibly nausea inducing pictures ahead.

     

    It isn't a secret that I may possibly have one of the worst skin in the planet -as made witnessed by the many pictures of me, or with me in it, in this blog- when I showed DP my back during the our weekend trip, she inspected it and deduced that I have black heads that's inducing the breakouts I get. Her, being who she is decided that she was going to operate on my back, you see she has a semi-morbid fascination with things such as this. Using a non-scented/flavoured gelatin mix to make a mask of sorts, she successfully excavated my back blackheads -which I didn't even know was possible to have-. 

    Cause this is apparently what we do on weekends -___________-

     

    So home I get at dawn, slept the whole afternoon until I received yet another phone call from the mother summoning me for a quest; to bring her toiletries and a few items of clothing at work. The drive back was made mildly irritating by people blatantly blocking the street, who dared to throw me dirty looks when I honked as warning. 

    For some reason, I couldn't shake off the annoyed feeling all the way to my drive to borrow something from CB. Just then a darling in the form of a little girl on a pink bicycle comes along, approached me, and says: 

    Darling Girl: "Are you one of Scooby Doo's friend?"

    Me: "confused Pardon me?"

    Darling Girl: "Are you one of Scooby Doo's friend? I was watching Scooby Doo and you look like one of his friends"

    Me: "*thinking which character she may be referencing.( Vilma, short hair, chunky glasses) Highly flattered* Well, I may just be her"

    This little exchanged wiped off all my annoyance away. And now I am in a happy mood blogging, eating cookies and milk whilst the last ray of sun sets and seeps through my window.

     

    -Elle Are Emm 

  • Irrelephant

    First week back to school. Done.

    Nothing to blog about, so here are some pics from last weekend instead.

    DAY 1

     

    Us, in front of the Parliament building on our first night. It strongly reminded me of this church in my mom's province. 

     

    DP, always the seductress kiss 

    Voga Pinot Grigio. Bought the wine solely for the bottle. And yes, aside from Jagger (that no one but Baby J had one shot) we drank wine throughout the weekend. 

    DAY 2

    In front of The Empress Hotel. 

    I love us. 

    Dream tea set. The teapot alone cost $60. stunned

    Trying to be fancy in my cuffed jeans in such a intimidating fancy setting

    The Empress to the right, and the Parliament building behind (not photographed)

    Unfocused, but too embarrassed to ask for another picture. 

    What's the matter Baby J? She was the hottie of the night /hotproblems

     

    At the Sticky Wicket

    Later comes ED


    Some very captivating art.

    At Bard & Banker

    Waiting outside the pub for the van/car since we parked a few blocks away.

    Hello there almost eyes

    She's so hot that it radiates unto me. I'm not worthy

    DAY 3

    The soon-to-be couple at brunch kisssmoochheartheart

     

    She found free money in her purse. Made her ridiculously happy 

     

    At the petting zoo. Fabulous ducks with feather hats on

    Absolutely adore this -almost- candid

    Back story: DP and I started balancing brushes on these passive pygmy goats' head, when a toddler hobbles along. I guess monkey see, monkey do really applied to this scenario because he started copying us (at this point I was alone, taking pictures of the goats) then his dad approaches and says "Honey, we have to be nice to the goats, we don't balance things on their heads" With a look of slight disapproval thrown my way. Just imagine me, crouched and trying to stealthily blend my way out of that situation.

    Proudest bird I ever did see.

    *whiny voice* Baaabbbeeeeeeee

    At  Fisherman's Wharf. The ladies crabbing. CRABBING > CLUBBING any day!

    Floating homes. Someday...someday 

    She inflicted upon herself multiple splinters, which LG, the future surgeon, successfully picked out.

    Feeling artsy. Seriously, these floating homes are B-E-A-utiful! reminded me of the floating homes I saw in the Netherlands (??) back in '08

    Floating Dutch home. The picture obviously does it no justice. 

    Sea lions, one of them had cataract on one eye.

    Pager at Barb's Fish and Chips. SOOOO GOOOD! 

    That's pretty much it, we went to the seaside and the castle (previous blogged) after but my camera ran out of battery. 

     

    -Elle Are Emm

  • A weekend full of subtleties

    Late post weekend blog. But whatevs. Also, for convenience sake, most of the pictures are going to be from my cellphone camera. I will probably edit this post and add other pictures from my camera in a non-chronological order when I feel up for it. 

     

    Friday April 27, 2012 

    I wasn't quite sure whether to look forward to this day or not. On one hand, this trip has long been planned and anticipated; it was also the only highlight of my two week school break. On the other hand, it was also the last weekend before school resumes again.  

     

    First stop; food. Annndd let the roadtrip begin. Or not. shocked 

    Just as we were hitting the road, LB's dad found an excuse to have us do a 180 for inspection. It was amusing and daunting at the same time, he seemed all business like as he pulled the car in front  of our parked van so that there was no way out. At first, I actually thought it was a joke that we had to open the door so that he could have a peak at each passenger's faces. Boy, was I wrong.

    Fast forwarding after the ferry ride, drive and check in to our hotel room, we met up with ED, a friend who lives in Victoria and was gracious enough to offer himself as our host for the entire weekend. I honestly have no idea what he was thinking offering his company to 7 girls. In return, I thought it'd just be fair to offer up DP to him as payment pleasedsmoochshyheart

    The parliament; the steps where it was decided that we were going to not so subtly try to pair up  DP and EJ  by laying on thick the teasing and building up awkward tension between the two. Goood timess.

    Mt. Tolmie aka make out /hot boxing spot. This picture does this place no justice. At all. 

    Dinner finally. Crappiest service I've ever did see. But with good company nonetheless. 

    Then back to our hotel room at around midnight to indulge in the various types of wines we each purchase. Surprisingly, we had no hard liquor, aside from the Jagger that no one, but Baby J (JB) drank.  

     

    Saturday April 28, 2012 

    So DP and I actually didn't sleep until the wee hours of the night. We chatted about nothing in particular while I was sipping on my Pinot (which I purchase specifically for the bottle), halfway through, I decided I was going to give it a rest because I was starting to feel the acidity of my stomach rise.  This plus the lack of sleep combined with no breakfast seriously made me feel ill, a couple of hours later upon waking. So ill in fact, that I was reduced into fetal position as everyone else was getting ready for the day. I had anticipated the feeling; it was very reminiscent to the stomach pains sensation that frequented me at a young age. 

    I hate it. I cannot, absolutely, CANNOT stand any sort of stomach pain. I would rather get beat up, or be feverish, anything but  stomach pains. 

    With that said, I ended up skipping out the late morning and afternoon session of touring around the island. It wasn't fair for me to hold everyone up just because I couldn't go. Though, what peeved me was the insistent nagging of everyone while I was practically on my death bead (obvious exaggeration). So yes, it was best for them to have left while I rested.  

    In the late afternoon, when they've come back, I was finally starting to come around from a whole day of fretful slumber. The irony was, as I got ready, everyone else passed out. Though, not long after, we were once again off into the night!

    The ever so infamous Empress Hotel where royalty stays. 

    Pub/ lounge #1 The Sticky Wicket. 

    Pub #2 Bard and Banker, where gorgeous unff worthy servers, serves in kilts.

     

    I honestly don't know what ED meant when he said that it's boring here, maybe because he actually takes residence in the island, but man oh man! ,  The atmosphere, the architecture, and just the general ambiance and air of the place. I fell in love. It's more than a satisfactory substitute for a full on vacation outside the country.  The island is small, albeit buzzing city, capable of holding it's own. It's busy enough to be exciting, yet small enough to not be overwhelming! I look forward to living there in the  near future! 

    I regress.
    Not going to lie, it was actually very intimidating to step into  the many pubs and restaurant the place had to offer. It was just so...posh. And we stuck out like a sore thumb, being a non Caucasian group of 7 girls and 1 guy. I have never in my life feel so physically small, young and insignificant than I did once we stepped into the Sticky Wicket. It's okay though, it was soon mended by a couple glasses of alcoholic drinks. Don't get me wrong, once again, the atmosphere was great, it was so laid back, and just by looking around you can tell that it's definitely a place where people stay and have a chat for prolong periods of time. 

    At this point in the late evening, non of us actually had a proper dinner, and non of us will ever have a proper dinner that night since either restaurants were close, or the pubs that were still open had finished serving food hours ago. So, we said screw it! and hit the next open pub at almost 1AM. You see, this is as close to "pub hopping" as I've ever gotten. 

    So in we go the the Bard & Banker. We actually passed by this pub earlier on in our stroll, it was just so lively and packed that it was intimidating. Shame, because by the time we had entered, the revelry of people dancing to Scottish jigs had long ended. 

    Our night didn't end there, we set out around town, on foot and by car, in search for some essentials we would need the next day (which we never got). Again, it astounded me to witness the streets filled with -relatively- young intoxicated people celebrating life. Absolutely everyone in the street was inebriated on some level, yet in possession of their own being. Maybe, I'm just a very suburbs girl, admittedly I have only been in our own nearby downtown in the wee hours of the night only a handful of times. Though for some reason, I don't think a Saturday evening in downtown Victoria, is quite the same as a Saturday evening in downtown Vancouver.  

     

    Sunday April 29, 2012

    Surprisingly, I was cooperative enough in the morning, manage to wake up and get ready with the early risers (AQ, MF, Baby J) 

    Brunch at Denny's. It took a hell of a long time to get seated and get our food because there was a marathon that took place. That, or maybe it also has to do with it being a Sunday and there aren't very many breakfast place about. 

     

    [Insert pictures of petting zoo here] 


    Barb's fish and chips!

    Seawall

    I have never in my life strongly desired to be rich in a single moment than I have upon seeing this castle and walking around it's 2M + price tagged neighbourhood. 

    Welcome to my crib! 

    Chocolate from the ferry for the ride home. And back to reality it is.

     

    Monday April 30, 2012

     Decided to skip the first day of school; I only have one class and it would only be an intro.  Spent the day sleeping. I lucked out seeing as it was actually cancelled. 

     

    Tuesday May 1, 2012

    First day back. Clinic right away. Super frantic, yet still unmotivated. 

    LETS DO THIS! 

    Saw Safe 2012  in the evening with the mother dear + bubble tea afterwards. Had unintentionally snubbed a male friend because 1) I actually hadn't seen him right away 2) when I had it was too late for me to say hi because I had missed my chance so I just kept on with my facade which made it more awkward 3) I was with my mother and I didn't want her interrogating me. 

     

    -Elle Are Emm

  • To nights I can't remember

    Still trying to get back into the habit of blogging on the regular, hence the very fragmented and scattered entry dates. Although, it is fair for one to assume that on days that I do not/ cannot recall a specific event, was a day probably spent on mundane activities.

     

    Friday, April 20

    Have you ever felt so sleep deprived that you're back up energy turns on? Well, just as I was about to hit the bed at 8 AM, mother decided to have me drive around to run errands for her. I couldn't really say no, because I did have an appointment in the afternoon, and I'd really rather just drive than transit.

    Although for a brief spell of time, my sense of direction and parking abilities did improve. And I do put the stress on brief  because as soon as fatigue set in, I was even crappier than ever.

     

    Day's incident included waiting in the bank line up for 15mins, feeling self conscious for not looking presentable for the day, only to have the teller tell me I was in the wrong bank. confusedcluelesswhatevah This would happen to me.

    By the time I got home, I was only alloted half an hour of sleep before I had to get ready and set out again. 

    Lunch. I was feeling very nostalgic and decided to hit up the Wendy's where I used to work at 4-5 years ago. Time flies.

    Awkward money from co-worker

    Comes August/September, I will officially finish school and not be eligible under my parents' insurance. Hence, between now and then,  I am on a mission to take advantage of my parents' health benefits. With that said, it doesn't really sound too crazy when I say, that I was a bit disappointed that I do not have any cavities to be filled. I mean, it's not that I want to have cavities! it's just that it's better to have them now than later when I have to pay for them myself! Right? wtf

    In the evening, I somehow got dragged into a night of debauchery at DP's house. See I hadn't exactly planned on drinking, but I ended up drunk. So drunk in fact that I may or may not have woken up covered in my own vomit. Classy

    I honestly only have half recollections of these pictures. Fine.  Only the picture of me with the dog is the last semi sober picture I could make sense of. 

     

    Saturday April 21, 2012 

    No pictures because I forgot my phone. 

    Despite having a hangover, I somehow managed to clean up and set out for a calmer afternoon of early dinner at Aldo's Italian Restaurant and a walk by the pier side where I made a new pigeon friend. I hadn't exactly planned on going out, but an hour after I was dropped off, CB and LG showed up at my bedroom door. I hadn't realized they were serious when they said that they'll be back within an hour, and that hour was only allotted for clean up. But hey! I am on my break, might as well. 

    After the dinner and the walk, we (LB, KB, MD, CB, and later CL) headed to KB for dessert, because really, that's basically what her house is! a free dessert place. Seriously, her house is stacked with all sorts of cakes it's ridiculous! That I've only started to become friends with her now is probably one of the biggest regret of my life thus far. 

    The night ended with watching Cabin in the Woods, which is more than decent of a movie, as well as a late night dinner at Bubble World. 

    Sunday April 22, 2012

    Wings dinner with  CB, LG and JB. I haven't been in a while, and now I'm not sure why we go. And only on Sundays too, when they have their deal. To be honest, their wings aren't even good. whatevah

    Tuesday April 24, 2012

    CRAVINGS FULFILLED! Thai/Malaysian late lunch date plus cupcakes and macaroons with JB. Hnnnngggg. Sunny, windy, rainy whatever the weather maybe, I really adore relaxed days like these where you can just have a chat with a friend over good food heart

     

     

    -Elle Are Emm

  • Whirlwind

    Was supposed to be an hour long video blog update. But that just seems too much. 

    So here you go, a brief albeit concise list of what the past two months have been like, with accompanying pictures where applicable and bonus random clips. 

     

    February 
     
    Practicum.. practicum...practicuum

    -02/10 Kwantlen concert with MF and AQ  and late night dinners + DP, CB, LG

     
    -02/17-18 accidental sleep overs after dinner at Bubble World and break fast at Ihop

     
     
    -02/19 Last Sunday before the Kuya leaves for 5 weeks; Korean bbq dinner and getting judged for drinking a whole bottle of ordering soju

     
    -02/21 First of many car/van related mishaps. Van stalled in Walmart at 10-11PM. MF  to the rescue! 


    -02/23 Indian food with Santos; good company, good talks


    -02/25 hot pot and gelato last din before kuya left

    -02/28 Awkward incident in which I had no idea how to react to the donair guy's mock-flirtation. Had promised the younger brother free food in exchange for my number,
    but brother gave Babsie's instead 


    March
    More practicum


    -03/01 Feat of the month: driving to practicum with Kuya's car; arriving safe and not getting lost + reward haircut that mother didn't notice until two days later



    -03/03 mother's 47th empty without the dad and the other brother

     

    -03/04 start baby sitting god sister; from Sunday to Thursday, afternoon/evening through the morning


    -03/07 walking home from the gym in the evening in the cold; worst. idea. ever


    -03/11 Car mishap #2; stalling in the middle of the intersection on the way to the library + father's sweet, comforting words; "I pulled over to pick up the phone,
    because you're important to me"

     
    -03/15 witnessed man skid off his bike due to slippery roads; he walked away fine
    -03/17 drink ouzo alone to commemorate St Patrick's day, due to my lent fast of a) no frivolous texting and b) no going out 


    -03/23 Most blessed day in the history of EVER. Sunshine, cupcakes, and father passed his long, much desired, Red Seal exam


    -03/24 errands with mother, very painful acne treatment and one patronizing Subway lady who sought to teach me how to count change properly 


    -03/29 Successfully made myself look like an inconsiderate jerk by going to a practicum sick and being sent home subsequently 40 mins later
    -study sesh and all nighters


    -miraculous and undeserving passing of exams

    April
    -04/01 Spotted Peter Chao at Timmy's!
    -04/04 Creating bonds with a few classmates! Compulsive shopped + late lunch/early dinner
    - 04/05 Unknowingly ended lent fast too early; Babsie picked me up from practicum and I invited her to a farewell dinner (foreshadowed kuya and babsie's breakup)


    -04/06 daddy comes home after three months
    -04/07 Dog sat Twinkle (The Santos' dog) plus picnic

     
    -04/09 Long day of driving around and handing in log sheets and an embarrassing incident in the evening involving me half dress, messy bedroom with underwear 
    strewn all over and a male visitor
    -04/10 kuya comes home and I get a crap ton of accessories from the aunt. 

    -Calling quits on school way too early. No point with regrets; moving on with life
    -04/13 FRIDAY THE FUCKING THIRTEEN! Unluckiest night of my life!
    a) scruffing Ryan's Lincon Navigator
    b)getting forever lost on drive from and to home
    c)running a red light
    d) hitting a road cone/drum

     
    -04/17 Spontaneous cupcake trip to White Rock with DP and JB


    -04/19 Accompanied JW to my first ever trip to Ikea; bought an mini ironing board to commemorate event! I like ironing 




    -Elle Are Emm

     

  • Unhappy

    That persistent feeling that you can't rely on anyone. Not even yourself. 

    Times like these convinces me that I need help

    Officially finished school for the winter/spring 2012. Expect a long vlog soon. 

     

    -Elle Are Emm

  • I'm just a kid

    Long time no blog. I haven't been able to bring myself to recount my failures. 

    And I'm not about to. Not yet.

    Though, I really just need to get something off my chest before I implode in smithereens. Here goes:

     

    I am beyond furious and frustrated with myself, because for all the maturity I like to think I possess, I am nothing but a child. It literally takes my breath away to admit that. I feel sick to my stomach and there is this bitter taste that persistently lingers in my mouth.  

    I am not an adult, I am no where near being one.  Because adults don’t give up or just sit around twiddling their thumbs; they plow through hardships. 

    But here’s my resolution; I plan to continue on with all that I’ve got until the end.  Hopefully by the end, I can gain enough self respect to look in the mirror again.  

     

     

     

    -Elleareemm